Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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