i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
