He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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