Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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