don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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