I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
