Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
