Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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