so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I want a musical about memes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
