Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
