And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
