the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
