i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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