I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you will always have a special place in my vag
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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