Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
