He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
