Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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