Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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