just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
