And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
