Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need moral support for this bender
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
