The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
