Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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