Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
