I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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