Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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