I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
