the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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