the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
