I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
