Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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