the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
