My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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