how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
