yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
