I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My vagina just recognized that song.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
