Are we in a gay sports bar?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
