so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
