Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
