YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
