I'm jealous of your bromance
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
