1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
