I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
