Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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