He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
