Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
