If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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