PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
