You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
