I just cut my nipple shaving
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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