Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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