she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
