i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
