my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
