Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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