shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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