shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
