They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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