At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
honey bunches of taint.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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