I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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