you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
