We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
