Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
