shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
