It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
