Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
