best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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