She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
this boner is exhausting
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
