SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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