I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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