Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Couch. On fire.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
