I like my sex mixed with concussions.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
